Real Happiness
by Pinstripes and Buttons
Summary: Katie/JJ - Friendship - It only takes having everything you thought mattered in life being stripped away to realize that the people you over look are the people you care about you the most.


Katie couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that that had actually just happened. It had been her last chance to save her family's reputation, to save her parent's for separating, to save her sister form running off. Everything had been riding on her shoulders and in one stupid, blind, anger driven, foolish fuck up, she had let everything she needed to happen fall from her grasp.

And so, to top off the whole disastrous performance, she ran out of the club and down the street until she collapsed on the edge of a sidewalk.

Honestly, Katie hadn't expected anyone to care, much less follow her all that way. Arms over her head as she cursed at her own inability to succeed at anything, mulling through her recent and long forgotten failures, she nearly missed the arrival of her lonely company.

Standing in front of her, a few feet into the empty road (it was after midnight, who would be driving anyway?) was probably one of the people she had least expected to show up at any point in her life unaccompanied by some other ass. JJ though, with his curly hair and weird personality, wasn't an ass. Not really. Katie just wanted to think he was, to make herself feel better about everything.

"What do you want JJ?" Katie mustered enough spite to utter the words, a vain attempt to regain her confident composure.

JJ stood there awkwardly, his hands in the pockets of his sweater, probably balled into fists no doubt. They always were, even when he wasn't angry. Katie just didn't know why. She'd never asked. "I'll tell you why I was there. That way, you can laugh at me and cheer up, yeah."

"I'm not going to laugh at you JJ," Katie said plainly, rolling her eyes. If that was how he planned to make her feel better, he was going to do a shit job.

JJ shrugged casually, "You will, but that's okay."

"How the hell is that okay? When people laugh at you that means they're making fun of _you_ - They're being mean." Katie argued, shooting a narrow glare in his direction.

JJ shrugged again. "You've laughed at me too." He said it as if it was nothing more than a scientific fact. It stung, not because Katie cared, but it reminded her who much she always tried _not_ to care.

The simple way the words came out, made Katie hate herself even more. Because hearing him say it so rawly made her think of how badly she'd fucked everything up, about how miserably she'd failed everyone. Abandoning her filter, she spat out: "Because I'm fucked up, JJ. I'm stupid and all that's ever mattered to me was fitting in. Laughing at _you_ makes _me _feel better about _myself_."

JJ seemed to consider this, but Katie wasn't sure how much was sinking in, and how much more he was letting slide off the surface like water off wax. Then, without warning, JJ launched into a mini monologue. "I was trying to get Freddie to listen to me, but then I saw you and I thought you were Emily but your hair was different and I thought maybe I should just not be there anymore because I know I mess everything up all the time but then when you got mad and left. I decided to follow you because I thought maybe I could somehow manage to get you to listen to me even though nobody else ever has or will."

Katie stared at him, bewildered. He spoke so rapidly she had to struggle to keep up with his words, and the breathless manner in which he spoke made her question how he hadn't passed out. Surely nobody could expel so much air and not dip into vertigo. "You don't mess everything up-"

"Yeah, yes I do. That's why you told me never to be where you are cause I ruin everything." JJ countered, crossing his legs and continuing, his voice just as steady, just as unemotionally affected. "I was the one who messed up your relationship with Freddie and your sister."

"No, JJ, I messed those things up. I blame you to make myself feel better." Katie whispered, brushing under her eyes and finding that the backs of her hands came away with black mascara. The sight of her ruined makeup made her want to cry more than she already had been, even though she hadn't realized that the tears were there. "Now I look ugly and I feel ugly and this whole thing is a disaster - and none of it is anyone's fault but my own."

"Those other bitches didn't seem to be helping things along too well though, in your defence."

"Don't bother JJ. I'm a mess. I'm ugly and my clothes are ruined and how am I supposed to be Katie Fucking Fitch if I can't even do this one stupid thing by myself?" Katie folded her arms and bowed her head against them, sobbing. Who cared anyway, if she cried? JJ was just JJ and not like it mattered what he saw.

For a long time, silence and her muffled whimpering pressed against her ears, until she looked up to see if JJ had simply walked away. She wouldn't have put it past him. He was right, after all. She did laugh at him, frequently, because others would start it. She was bitchy and self-centered and arrogant whenever she saw him, because she'd always believed that was how she had to behave if she was going to make it anywhere in the world. That was how her mother had raised her, how her father had instructed her, how her friends had always expected her to act.

But where were all those 'life lessons' and 'best friends' now? Where had they got off to when she was alone outside in the early hours of morning, sobbing uncontrollably because everything had finally snapped beneath her feet?

When she glanced up over the horizon of her arms, JJ was still sitting there, legs crossed, arms folded over them as if a child waiting for the teacher to read the class a story before nap time. In the orange light of the streetlamp, his hair looked black, and his eyes a dark brown. Katie couldn't remember what colour his eyes actually where . . . She couldn't remember if she'd ever paid enough attention to notice.

"You know," JJ began, when Katie didn't cast her red rimmed eyes away again. "I always thought you were more attractive than your sister. She always looks the same, normal, even though she's not. You pretend to be different things at different times, kind of like me. You try to be sexy so boys will shag you, but then you also try to be friendly so Pandora sticks around, and other times you're a complete bitch because someone is insulting you. I pretend to, just not the same way. I like to pretend I'm normal, and then other times, I get locked on, and that just ends badly, unless I drink some mango juice, then everything is okay again."

"What's the point of all of this?" Katie asked, not in a sarcastic tone, or even a rude one. Rather, she was genuinely curious, and by the upward curve of his full lips, Katie could tell JJ was excited by this revelation.

"The times when I feel the best are when I'm not pretending, because that's when I feel the most calmed down - without even drinking mango juice. It's almost like being able to fly, only not really, because humans don't fly."

Katie could feel the corners of her own lips pulling into a smile, and before she understood what she was doing, a small bout of giggles spilt from her lips.

"See, I told you I would make you laugh." JJ remarked, a sense of pride in his expression.

Between a hiccup of giggles, Katie shook her head and said, "But I'm not laughing at you. That's where you were wrong."

JJ's smile broadened, showing a flash of perfect white teeth. "See, you can still be Katie Fucking Fitch and be a nice person. It's just a different version of Katie Fucking Fitch - the original version."

"You think so?" Katie asked, not sure how that felt to hear.

"Yeah, I do. I'd be friends with the messy makeup and messy clothes Katie Fitch than the bitchy and mean Katie Fitch any day."

That's when Katie met his eyes. In all her years, for as far back as she could remember, she had never heard anyone outright say they _wanted_ to be her friend. She had known people to envy her, to befriend her out of personal gain, or simply let her walk into their lives and never leave. She had _never,_ _ever_ heard someone actually tell her in plain English, to her face, that they would willingly be her friend.

"I don't deserve you as a friend," she said, and immediately hated her response. There was nothing more in the world she wanted then to be his friend - simply because he _wanted_ to be hers.

Almost as if JJ could sense her inner thoughts, he moved closer and wrapped an arm around her. "I don't believe you." he said, a goofy grin on his face again, his comic tone of voice making her want to laugh. So she did.

"You're a great person, JJ."

"And you're Katie Fucking Fitch - The one and only." JJ proclaimed loudly, with pride. Katie had never felt a greater happiness.


End file.
